A Journey.

10 May

It’s almost graduation. Just 11 more days. I keep saying “this is the last time ~.” Like “this will be my last time eating chicken fingers on Friday at one of the dining halls with my friends.” But the closing of one chapter, just means that a new one is starting. I usually consider myself an optimist, but for some reason, I like that idea even less. This new chapter is filled with uncertainties, while requiring that some part of me be certain. I have to move forward, in some direction or another; there is no turning back. There are so many paths though… how do I know which one to take? How do I know that after I pick one I won’t regret it and want to go down a different path later, when it’s too late? That’s my problem, the real issue. My indecisiveness. I see so many people around me, so sure of what they want to be, and where they will be going after graduation to get there. Why am I so uncertain about where I want to be? I really have no destination in mind to be honest. There are a number of paths I have considered, but none I can be sure of wholeheartedly. I wonder if anyone is really 100% sure that what they are doing is the right path for them. I wonder if those people care if what they are doing is what they really want to be doing. I care. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job. I want to do something that I love… I just haven’t found what that is yet. Is that a crime? I’m only 21. I still feel like there is a whole world out there for me to explore, but at the same time I feel stuck because part of this world is telling me I need to get a job and support myself or at least figure out what I want to do now so I can get there soon. Why does that part of growing up seem like an end-point? Like once you reach that point where you are a working citizen that is when you have grown up. I don’t buy it. I don’t want to hit an end-point because where do I go from there? I want to keep growing, keep learning, and I want to help encourage and inspire others to do the same. I don’t want to be content or comfortable in one place if it’s not what I am passionate about, but I don’t want to count those experiences off because it is all part of the journey. I want to stop worrying so much about where I will end up, what I will do with the rest of my life. I think for right now it’s okay that I don’t know. But I will continue to move forward into this new chapter believing that wherever it is that I do end up, it will be because it is what I love to do.

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